It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
