im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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