Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
