Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
