2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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