He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
