You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
