Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
