I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
