Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
