I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
