After last night, I could never be a politician.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
