I am spending my child support on dildos
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
