Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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