ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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