The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
they're like a gay fantastic four
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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