I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
