Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
