I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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