He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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