Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
