I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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