We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
