Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
