Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
