Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
