I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
