none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
