I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
