mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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