never play flip cup with pint glasses
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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