Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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