He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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