Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
