i was rollin on her like bob the builder
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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