and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
