spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm both gender and math confused
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize