my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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