I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
