Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
