Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
