I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
