so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You are a genius and a whore.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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