Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
