i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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