I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
