i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
