How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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