I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
