Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize