girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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