omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
