Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
