if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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