i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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