he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
