sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
