So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
