Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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