9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
