I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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