their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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