can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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