A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
