i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
