I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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