is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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