I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
How external is "for external use only"?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
