Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I could make wine with my vomit
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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