I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
