Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
