I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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