we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
nutella sex= disaster
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
