Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize