he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
