kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize