I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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