Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
