Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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