mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
