i was rollin on her like bob the builder
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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