I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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