ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
