I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
