i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
