Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My vagina just recognized that song.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
