I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
