so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
