he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
