Are we in a gay sports bar?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
