If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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