sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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