I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Randomize
