I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
