So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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