Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
