so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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