I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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