Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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