just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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