That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
