im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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