turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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