I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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