i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
