Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
