Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
