He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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