I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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