I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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