I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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