I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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