New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
