Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
