whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I have already put on my inside pants.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
