I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
